It's been 4 weeks now since I miscarried. About 3 weeks since I started this blog. And, finally, the post which was the reason for why I started this blog.
I needed an outlet for what was going in my head and in my heart. An outlet that would normally be family and friends and my dear husband, but not in this instance. I don't know why.
One Tuesday, I decided to work from home. I had an ultrasound appointment later that day, so it was more efficient to work from home on this day. I had a little bit of bleeding, but I was not too concerned and thought the ultrasound would show that everything was alright. My husband and daughter were also home on that day. Sunday was the magical 12-week mark and I was planning to stop hiding my stomach at work on Thursday as a way to announce our pregnancy.
My husband and daughter decided to go for a walk. And it was while they were away that it happened. A gush of liquid between my legs, a quick dash to the toilet. I look down and, miraculously, away from all of the blood, I saw the foetus - my baby. And that is what haunts me.
So, for now, I am a mother to 1.3. Will I always be a mother to 1.3? Or will I drop the .3 someday? I don't know.