Skip to main content

Point 3

It's been 4 weeks now since I miscarried.  About 3 weeks since I started this blog.  And, finally, the post which was the reason for why I started this blog.  
I needed an outlet for what was going in my head and in my heart.  An outlet that would normally be family and friends and my dear husband, but not in this instance.  I don't know why. 

One Tuesday, I decided to work from home.  I had an ultrasound appointment later that day, so it was more efficient to work from home on this day.  I had a little bit of bleeding, but I was not too concerned and thought the ultrasound would show that everything was alright.  My husband and daughter were also home on that day.  Sunday was the magical 12-week mark and I was planning to stop hiding my stomach at work on Thursday as a way to announce our pregnancy.
My husband and daughter decided to go for a walk.  And it was while they were away that it happened.  A gush of liquid between my legs, a quick dash to the toilet.  I look down and, miraculously, away from all of the blood, I saw the foetus - my baby.  And that is what haunts me. 

So, for now, I am a mother to 1.3.  Will I always be a mother to 1.3?  Or will I drop the .3 someday?  I don't know.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

To ice or not to ice?

That is the question... I have a new addiction (surprise, surprise!).  While I still favour Morning Tea and Afternoon Tea and all of its delights, I have recently been replacing the mandatory "tea and cake" with an Iced Tea or an Iced Coffee. These tea delights are so wonderfully refreshing on those hot summer days.  And it satisfies my "drink and sweet" craving in one shot - which saves me on baking time and calorie count (like I do that anyway!). Seriously, I could drink Iced Tea or Iced Coffee all day, but I have limited it to either Morning Tea or Afternoon Tea.  Got to keep it special!  (Hence the continued use of CAPITALS :) ). The best thing is that these drinks are so easy to make at home and, to my taste buds and stomach anyway, are a lot better than most of the ones that you can find in your local cafe.  I can control the strength, the milkiness, the sweetness to suit my picky palate. The other best thing is that I no longer feel the ...

It's a skill and I need more sleep

Do you tell jokes?  I don't.  Hardly ever anyway.  One - I don't know many jokes. Two - I can't tell jokes.   I stutter the punch lines which ruins it.  Or I'm laughing before I finish telling which, again, ruins it. And three - I have a really BAD sense of humour.    Only my husband gets it.   He gets my humour and reacts.   It's why I married him.     And yes, please note the purposeful use of "reacts" rather than "laugh" because ... yeah ... no ... he doesn't always laugh.  And the times when he does laugh he's usually not laughing at the joke; he's usually laughing at me.   But that's ok because that was the point of the joke - to make him laugh.  Which he does.  Why he's laughing ... well, that's secondary, isn't it? And what about pithy witty comments?   I'm full of them.   Clever, imaginative one-liners.  But, again, it's all in the...

Back from my hiatus

Have you ever struggled with your identity?  Like how you define yourself; how you think of yourself?  I do.  I have been.  I still am. Rather than simply stating "I am Ag May", I need to add labels.  I'm a mother.  I work but I'm on leave at the moment.  I'm a crafter, but I just make things not really create things.  I bake.  I cook.  And right now, I'm confused. I wonder if the lack of varied adult interaction has made me lose sight of how I define myself.  My wardrobe is probably a good metaphor... I've cleaned it out.  So now I'm left with 2 pairs of jeans; a pair of light coloured pants; a pair of tracksuit pants; a handful of t-shirts; and a handful of dresses.  Add to that a few jumpers and a couple of cardigans and that's my wardrobe.  No more "smart casual"; no more "office-wear"; no more "formal wear" or "going-out on the town wear".  I think I donated my personality to good will alongside my c...