Skip to main content

Where to start

My Journey

It’s been a difficult year for me.  By all appearances, this year should not have been so difficult.  I should have been able handle the curve balls that life had thrown my way.  I mean, I did handle them, but I should have handled them with less angst and more determination, more fortitude, more me. 

But I was off.  Something in me was off.  When I find that I cannot manage various circumstances that I find myself in without feeling overwhelmed and victimized, then I know that the problem is with me and not the circumstances.

And so, I’ve been searching.  What is wrong?  What is wrong with me?  Why can I not manage myself the way that I used to, regardless of what comes my way.  I felt lost.  I had lost something.  I had lost faith in myself.

Now we’re getting somewhere.  So, I lost faith in myself.  How did that happen and why?  How do I get it back?

I looked around…  I love my husband; I love my kids; I love my family.  My life is fine – there are bits that I’m working on and there are bits that I love.  So, what was it?  Well… it was me.  I didn’t love me.

It sounds so dramatic, eh?  Oh my goodness, Agmay!  Get over yourself!  You’re so full of it!  Do you have nothing else to think about?!? 

Ok, so it is a tad dramatic.  I do love myself, I just wasn’t happy with me. 

Here’s what I think happened.  I got so involved with the stay-at-home mom in me.  I was making headroads into managing our lives, our finances, our goals.  That was all going good.  And I was managing this in my pyjamas, with unbrushed hair, and bad skin, and extra weight that I couldn’t get rid of.  Which was all fine, because everything else was fine.  It was my choice to manage our lives while I was in this state… or so I thought.

And then stuff started happening.  Our living situation deteriorated.  Our finances were getting tight.  I was not managing our lives as simply and efficiently as I could and things were building up – the mess, the laundry, the dirty dishes, the sleepless nights.  And because I was in my pyjamas, with unbrushed hair, and bad skin and extra weight, I found it really difficult to make myself connect with other people to get some help.  My shoulders were sagging; I couldn’t look anyone in the eye; I stopped answering my phone.  I put on more weight, my skin got worse, I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror.

Until, one day, my husband put this documentary on for me to watch.  It was about this diet and something about the philosophy behind the diet spoke to me.   Giving your body time to recover from day-to-day stresses; time to correct blood pressure, cholesterol and insulin sensitivity.  I was hooked.  And so together, my Dear Husband and I tried it.  And the side benefit of the diet (for us anyway) was that we started losing weight.  Significantly.  Steadily.   And I could look at myself in the mirror again. 

Knowing that I was starting to get my weight back under control, I started looking at other parts of me that I was not happy with.  And it was not overwhelming to list them.  Actually, it was liberating.  And so my journey started…. And it continues.


Subtle differences, it's still me





Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

To ice or not to ice?

That is the question... I have a new addiction (surprise, surprise!).  While I still favour Morning Tea and Afternoon Tea and all of its delights, I have recently been replacing the mandatory "tea and cake" with an Iced Tea or an Iced Coffee. These tea delights are so wonderfully refreshing on those hot summer days.  And it satisfies my "drink and sweet" craving in one shot - which saves me on baking time and calorie count (like I do that anyway!). Seriously, I could drink Iced Tea or Iced Coffee all day, but I have limited it to either Morning Tea or Afternoon Tea.  Got to keep it special!  (Hence the continued use of CAPITALS :) ). The best thing is that these drinks are so easy to make at home and, to my taste buds and stomach anyway, are a lot better than most of the ones that you can find in your local cafe.  I can control the strength, the milkiness, the sweetness to suit my picky palate. The other best thing is that I no longer feel the ...
1 comment
Read more

It's a skill and I need more sleep

Do you tell jokes?  I don't.  Hardly ever anyway.  One - I don't know many jokes. Two - I can't tell jokes.   I stutter the punch lines which ruins it.  Or I'm laughing before I finish telling which, again, ruins it. And three - I have a really BAD sense of humour.    Only my husband gets it.   He gets my humour and reacts.   It's why I married him.     And yes, please note the purposeful use of "reacts" rather than "laugh" because ... yeah ... no ... he doesn't always laugh.  And the times when he does laugh he's usually not laughing at the joke; he's usually laughing at me.   But that's ok because that was the point of the joke - to make him laugh.  Which he does.  Why he's laughing ... well, that's secondary, isn't it? And what about pithy witty comments?   I'm full of them.   Clever, imaginative one-liners.  But, again, it's all in the...
3 comments
Read more

The Hummingbird Bakery Cake Days Cupcakes

I have seriously tried to limit the number of cookbooks in my bookshelf.  Not only is the internet a major source of information (and free at that!), but we just don't have the space. However, there are a few cookbooks that I love having on hand, in person, ready to be flicked through at a moments notice.  And this book - the Hummingbird Bakery Cake Days - is fast becoming one of those books.  I love it even more so as it was a "just because" present from my Dear Husband :) The cover is textured and PINK.  Not just a pastel pretty pink, but a bright-in-your-face PINK!!  There's no mistaking the market for this cookbook.  And the rest of the book follows in its bold use of colors.  This cookbook, for me, provides inspiration by way of baking, photography, and food styling.  Much progress on the first one, not so much on the last two.. oh well, so let's talk about the baking. So far, I've tried two basic recipes - the vanilla cupcakes with van...
3 comments
Read more